I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
