Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
