I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
