thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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