using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm like, not good at living.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize