i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
