yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i can't believe i had my finger in that
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
