If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Randomize
