I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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