Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
