and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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