Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
