i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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