There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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