I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
