Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
