i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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