The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize