and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
