I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
