I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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