do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
