She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
