Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize