He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
