Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
