I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Randomize
