I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I've blown a few things in my day
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
