I wish I could teleport
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize