I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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