it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
