so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
