That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
one two three fourrrrnication!
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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