Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
