After last night, I could never be a politician.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
