You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
We need to rekindle our bromance
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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