know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
