i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
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