The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
