A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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