If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
