I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
