yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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