oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize