someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
