That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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