why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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