I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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