i think my tv is drunk
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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