Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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