i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize