did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
