1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
