i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
