OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
