oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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