So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
