JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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