I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Randomize
