One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He has the fingertips of a God
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