Well apparently he's into motor boating.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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