When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
