There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
In America we eat man semen.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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