fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
