Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
