New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
