Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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