I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
