my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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