I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
