So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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