you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
