if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
