Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
No subtext here. People are naked.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize