four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
