New low: just hacked my moms facebook
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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