Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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