you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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