Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
