Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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