There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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