i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
