i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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