I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
