hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
