Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Randomize
