I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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