So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
