90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
