apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
