There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
