He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
